“Ya know, symmetry is a thing… that humans seem to follow… not me, I don’t know about all that stuff, I myself, ascribe to chaos mostly it seems.” (we hear the sound of a record zip) “There were bells on a hill but I never heard them ringing, no I never heard them at all, till there was you”
– Sound byte from the other room as I sit down for the return to my desk, my room feeling already a distant dream that I am nostalgic for, wondering what is to come next.
This is my second return home in the past 3 days, just moments before this moment, arriving to a dark underworld urban-palace of tinsel cobwebs, disappointed that nobody was here lighting up the place with life. And then a friend arrived.
~~~~~
I was in the grocery store earlier today, buying foods, spices, canned beans and olives… things that save, imagining myself cooking months from now in the same place… just trying to ground and relax, give myself a day to pretend like my life is perfectly normal… The song on the radio went something like – “So how did it go? Give us a clue.” So here I am again, after some slightly unexpected shuffling about, only a day late – just one past the scribblings in my pocket gregorian calendar had projected.
Last night I pulled a tarot card – it was the 8 of swords, depicted as a woman stabbing at a brick wall shaped like an upside-down V, with two crows perched on top of the wall seeing it all clearly from above. Thankfully this is a card of transformation, but yeah I get it. Maybe I try not to hyper focus so much on putting the pieces of the catacombs of the mind together… somethings are meant to be thought and let go of, something things are meant to stick, but nothing should keep me from expressing myself. Just get back to work. It feels right. I was waiting, I think to let things settle for just a second. Now it’s time to work and be free. *whew finally* I’ve missed this.
Two crows, there’s some symmetry for you… That was something that stood out to me in the beginning of the last season. I recall having seen these two crows around my neighborhood, just having a freakin ball hopping from rooftop to rooftop, it just struck a chord in me I guess. Shortly there after, the crows lead me from my hilltop perch down to a brass band playing in the the park below – the people were rejoicing because we were able to congregate again, covid seemed like it was gonna be over.
I am back now. I am ready again to write. I must not allow myself to get in my own way. I have a great deal to relay from this past recent journey. Curious to look at the sequence of events as empirically as possible. Writing and recording is an essential part of the process of discovery. Essential.
“Be Essential” hahaha – I’ve always thought the whole Little Prince reference here is pretty blatantly fantastic, REAL LIFE ALLEGORY!!! — during these “unprecedented times” – our “front line” workers are essential. Be Essential. Haha. It almost makes me nervous how uncanny the similarity. Maybe the lines of fiction and “reality” are blending more than we might have been taught to expect.
Jesusfuckingchristmasttree there goes another gun shot just outside my window.
Uggghhhhh. First thing that caught my eye upon entering my room tonight – the aloe vera plant that had been thrown from my top shelf two nights ago upon my arrival home from my journey. This plant had been my grandfather’s, and it subsists off air and sunlight alone. I know he is watching out for me. I recall the spirits of my last house, when they began to throw things off the walls, telling me “We love you but it’s time for you to go, move along on your journey”.
